We have spent so much time caring about everyone else that we no longer think of ourselves as separate entities. Having a history of abuse makes us clueless as to what self-care is about. How do we stop being used and abused? Re-tuning To Your Feelings Moreover, clinging desperately to people who don’t value us erodes our self-esteem. This makes them sitting ducks for further abuse. Most survivors of childhood abuse have been wired to be doormats, yes people, or codependents. What do most people do when faced with social rejection? They do whatever it takes to get back on the acceptance train by becoming ‘people pleasers.‘ This may help in the short run but if this is ongoing, it could lead to lop-sided relationships and abuse. Social rejection actually changes our heart rhythm patterns. The shame, anger, and grief make us feel like our heart is breaking into a thousand pieces. We actually feel the pain of rejection in our hearts. Love begets more love and gives us the confidence to explore and engage. When we feel good about ourselves and the world our heart rhythm becomes calm and relaxed. They come about through loving and nurturing relationships. However, these positive feelings don’t usually fall from the sky. Our body operates with increased efficiency and harmony. This coherence has been linked to a sense of well-being both physical and emotional.ĭuring a coherent heart rhythm, the activity in the two branches of the autonomic nervous system ANS is synchronized. When we experience uplifting emotions such as appreciation, joy, care, and love our heart rhythm becomes more coherent or consistent. It is the heart that directs your brain not the other way round. Only recently, scientists have discovered how our heart affects and synchronizes our body functions. Taking care of ourselves must be our priority. Caring for ourselves first is not selfish, it is self-preservation. Loving oneself is mostly deemed as egotistical and self-centered. Honestly, when we usually speak of love, it most often has to do with loving someone else. The result is depression, low-self esteem, and joyless existence. We believe that love is all about giving without any right to receive. However, for most survivors with our history of rejection and abuse, this system is usually out of whack. ![]() ![]() ![]() When we feel we are being rejected or shunned, our survival instinct is to step up and reach out. Being rejected can be heartbreaking.Īccording to research, the intense pain of a broken heart is part of our survival mechanism. What happens when this need is unmet or thwarted? We don’t feel good about ourselves. Love and belongingness are core human needs.
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